lifes cruel jokes
by harley18quinn
Summary: After being together for years harley and joker finally tie the knot but what will happen when the insane villainous duo try to add a "real" joker junior to the mix.
1. Chapter 1

_Chapter 1_

_It has been two years since the Joker finally made a happily married woman out of Harley and now they were finally going to have a little joker junior (or ace) of their own. _

It has been a very boring 9 months for a swilled Harley Quinn, the Joker had banned her from any type of crimes or anything that could be a nick in his plans with his child. "I am bored!" Harley yelled loudly throwing a spoon at the TV as ivy worked into the bedroom with a tub of ice cream in her hand, she hated the Joker but would never lift Harley alone (with the Joker) in a time like this. Ivy sit at the corner of the bed and handed a pouting Harley the ice cream "you need to stop yelling I swear if your _'babies_' come up a get you and them getting a vine slap." Harley smirked looking up "you can't hit me I am a Preggo!" ivy smirks back slapping Harley in the back of the head "your baby is not in your head." Harley leaned over a bit looking hurt holding her belly making ivy laugh a bit, then look at her a bit worried "Come on Harley I didn't hit you that hit that hard." She leaned in hoping Harley would just sit up and say got you as always. Then she looked at the bed slowly get wetter and wetter, Harley looked at her in shock "I think the baby coming and he ain't going to stop for a train!" ivy looked at for a second then screamed "CRONIES! HOSPITAL NOW!"

_Hospital _

Hours have pasted in the Joker has finally made it to the hospital to his darling wife and son or daughter to be, he walked to the room that seemed the most avoided. The room was almost completely dark with only a small light on Harley as she laid in the bed holding a small stuffed bear tears running down her face. He looked to ivy to find a reason for this but she only shakes her head looking down, she even didn't want to tell him the true he already guessed at. He sighed low walking to Harley, she just buried her head in to the bear more moaning out lowly "I am sorry…I am sorry it's all my fault… please forgive me…" The Joker looks down with slight shock Harley has never begged for his forgiveness not even when he had a knife to her neck, she was like a broking shell of the Harley that belonged to him. He glared a bit nestling his hand into her hair. "Come on pumpkin laughter and tears are both responses to anger and sadness. I myself prefer my lady laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward." He says whipping a tear from her eye. She looks up to him "y-you're not mad Mistah J?" he shakes his head "no darling I am mad but not at you" he says calmly kissing her on the forehead "now sit tight while daddy handle some business" he says smiling intensely as he walks out the door. The Joker calmly walked to the nurse at the front desk "who was the nurse in this room?" the nurse just looked at him shocked unable to speak , he frowned grabbing the girl pulling out a gun pointing it straight at her temple "let me as again" he said kindly and low to the woman before yelling out for the whole hall to hear "who were the doctor and nurse that worked in this room!" the hall fell quiet with only the sight sound of heart monitors filling the silent. The joker groaned a bit but smiled "come on talk people unless you want to see this bitch brains all over the floor I can do it trust me I got the gun." He says chucking a bit at his own joke A "I'll even give you to the count of three." He say his smirk growing "1…" he puts his finger on the tagger tight "2…" he chuckled low under his breath "I guess you don't have friends sweet heart…" he pushing the tagger down slightly as a man come up yelling "wait please it was me! Now please let her...go..." joker laughs "too late!" he shoots the girl in the head then shoots the doctor in the leg knocking him down. He walks over to him tossing the corpse to the side of himself. "So you're the one that worked on my dear wife." The doctor just nods in pain trying not to cry. The Joker smiles "goody! Goody! I found you now I just got one question where is my baby?"

A/N: Review please I own nothing


	2. Chapter 2

Life cruel jokes

Ch. 2

The joker leans to the man" where is my baby?" The doctor looks up at the clown in both pure fear and shock he looked to a nurse in she shakes her head, he quickly turned back to the clown "I-I am sorry it was a stillbirth there is nothing we can d-" the joker steps on his wound adding pressure "funny, funny stuff doc problem is I felt the baby kick only 7 hours ago!" He breaks the doctor leg stomping down on it in anger "I MAY LOOK LIKE A CLOWN DOCTOR BUT I ASSURE YOU I AM NO FOOL!" He picks the man up "now my Harley is as fit as a fiddle. She never drunk, smoked or even looked at a drug throughout her full life. Let alone... well holding my child! So I am I am going need you to show me prove in the form of baby corpse in the likeness of me and my Harley or I'll make this hospital the punchline of a very bloody joke. Got that doc?" He says smirking suddenly a voice come from behind him "Joker stop this! What's the point in all this?" Joker glares over to him dropping the doctor "what do you know batsy! I have been waiting for a long time for this kid! A very long time... and these...these bastards dare to take what's rightfully MINE!" He says kicking the lady corpse "I did nothing wrong it was them!" Batman looked back with shock was the joker really this upset over a kid. Suddenly a voice comes from the silence both men heard as tell looked within each other's souls "your wrong pudding...it's my fault...please don't blame them... please just take me home...I don't like it here...I don't want to see..." She says falling to her knees in tears, joker glares at her a bit before walking over to Harley picking her up "it's not your fault dearest, ivy take Harley home for me well I deal with the bat." He says getting up walking over "if it wasn't you joker I would swear you were doing something honorable" batman says looking over to him "oh trust me what I am doing is very honorable batsy." Batman just looks at him "you see the little talk we're about to have will be too much for the girl in her state." Batman raises an eyebrow" what talk?" Joker smirks" you know just as well as I do that my baby is alive I felt it kick just this morning not to mention this is her do week" batman doesn't move. "And you know...I wouldn't just let this slide." He says calmly as he throws a bomb at batman and walks out "have fun with my little gift." He says laughing down the hall as it starts to bleep. Batman looks down the hall then at the doll, he quickly throws it out the window and confetti comes out with a banner saying _"your first joke of life." _ Batman quickly looks over to the nurses still standing in fear "I need to talk to the nurse that took care of the clowns." He says loudly snapping them out of their Trance, an older nurse stepped forward "I worked in the work in the room" he nodding walking into Quinn former room. As soon as the door was closed batman turned to her "where is the baby?" he said in a serious voice as he stood over her. "Inside the nursery." She said looking down, he sighed "so it was all a lie do you understand how dangerous that was if I didn't have half a mind to follow him here not only would you be dead but every man, woman and child in the hospital." He says quickly trying to surplus his angry. The woman hits the table "what did you want me to do who would willingly hand a child to them loons!" He gets in her face "someone who wants to keep their life now take me too it." She looks away then starts to walk to the door "fine." They walk to the nursery where sleeping quietly is a baby with blonde and green hair, she picks her up gently and handed her to batman "what are you going to do with her?" she says with a hit of worry batman looks down at the baby girl giggling in her sleep, he sighs "what needs to be done." The woman looks at him shocked "you're not going to give her back to them are you?" She says as he walks away "we'll see." He says calmly walking back to Harley room picking up a small clown down and disappearing into the night with the baby.

_**review please! and I own nothing not even myself.**_


	3. Chapter 3

**Ch.3 **

_Years have passed, The Joker's search has ended and Bruce Wayne has taken in the girl believing it would be the safest place._

No! I don't want to!" A child voice rings throughout the Wayne mansion; the Cries came from the last room on the end of the hall it belonged to Alexandra Wayne (or Alex as she liked to be called). She was now 6 and going through her worst trial school. "I AM not going! No No NO!" She yelled at the top of her lungs at the poor old butler "But Ms. Alexandra you must go to school. " she glared a fearsome glare at him (at least for her age) "read my lips! I am not going! Got that!" She yells throwing toys at him, making him run out the room into a very confused Barbara." What's wrong Alfred?" She says grabbing a doll off the man's head "Alex?" He just nods" it seems she does not want to go today..." Barbara sighs "again let me handle this" She says handing Alfred the doll before going into the room "Alex…come on time for schoo-" she was cut short by a toy truck aimed at her head. She dodges and looks at the girl and starts to roll up her shelves" fine no more mister nice girl.." she says low before jumping on to the 6 year old. On the other end of the door Alfred listened in shock of the noise then the sudden stop. Barbara opened the door calmly her hair a mess and her make messed up with Alex hanging from under her arm crying low. "See it wasn't that hard." She says handing Alfred the girl.

The school

Alex set at a table in the back of the kindergarten class of Gotham elementary, her eyes were puffy and her pigtails fell down to her back. Two girl set at the table with her Janet and Maya, they often made fun of her like many others because her oddly colored hair and her clumsiness. "HI look the clowns back today, welcome back clown do a joke." Maya said pulling her hair, Janet join in with the pulling "you got to be funny to tell a joke and she's not funny!" she says with a laugh causing some of the closer kids to laugh at her joke. Alex just set there she looked at the teacher for help be she was too busy on her phone to notice and she tried to walk away but the laughing only become louder before she knew it she had picked up a chair and hit Janet in the head with it so hard it smashed. The room fell quiet in all eyes were on Alex, for a moment she was frozen she didn't know what to do… tell this uncontrollable feeling passed over her causing her to laugh insanely well looking at the girl, she looked around the room at the students and the teacher who looked at her in fear and her laugh louder and louder till that was the kids could hear. The teacher quickly got up running to the wounded girl "why did you do that?" she yelled at Alex, the laugh died down to a quiet chuckle "it was just a joke Ms. Johnson." She says calmly before the teacher got up and slapped her across the face "this is no joke you little psychopath!" tear welled up into the girls eyes as she looked at the in shock, her hand tighten on the leg of the chair without a second thought she hit the teacher in across the temple with it and ran out of the build.

Down the street The Joker and Harley were doing their favorite day time activity robbing banks and blowing them up of cause. Harley sit in the alley watching the joker do what he loved blowing things up, when a small ball of green and blonde passed her view with tears in her eyes. Without thinking Harley over to the girl "hi what's wrong?" she says stopping the girl, the girl still looking down "I am going to get in trouble..." she said through tears, Harley looked at the girl pouting slightly before running in a toy store stealing a small clown doll "come on kid down cry I am sure it ain't that bad." She said calmly handing her the doll. Alex grabbed the doll and hugged it tightly smiling slightly before looking up at Harley "wow you're a clown!" she said almost yelling grabbing the joker attention , he turned to the two and smiled "oh you like clowns?" he said walking over to them the remote for the bomb in his hand. Alex turned to him nodding "yeah I love them." She said happy before looking down "well I use to?" she says low to herself, joker raised an eyebrow "what made you stop?" she looks down more "well people calling me a clown and I hate that and I am not allowed to watch clown stuff anyway." Joker did a fake grasp "oh my! that wouldn't do not watch clown stuff that dare right evil!" He says looking down at her making her giggle; she looks up at him her glowing green eyes meeting his. He looked at her in shock "y-yeah that just wouldn't do now my I ask who said you couldn't watch them." She pouts a bit "Bruce!" He looks at angry for a bit looking away "Bruce huh?" he looks back at her "is this Bruce your daddy?" she shakes her head "no he adopted me because my parents died when I was a baby." Joker looks down at her "oh really would you believe me if I told you tell weren't died." She nods happy, he picks her up "would you like if I was your daddy?" she nods again a bit slower, he smirks big picking her up spinning "well then welcome home kid your coming with us." Harley just looks confused "wait you don't mean..." joker smirks "I told you it wasn't died Harls we're going have to pay this Bruce a visit." Harley screams happily hugging her.

_**Review please 3**_


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